Do You Suffer From IAAA (I Am An Acronym Disorder)?

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Posted on April 17, 2012 by Jennifer Lilley

Once 50-pound heavier Kelly Osbourne refers to herself as an FFP.

A what?

Former Fat Person.

In the May 2012 issue of Glamour,  Kelly “FFP” Osbourne discusses  —along with her lack of a toenail (TMI) and a fondness of the Golden Girls (FYI)  —her weight loss.

Referring to times when neighborhood meanies would call her “Kelly Smelly With the Big Belly Whose Dad’s on the Telly,” she writes, “. . . when you’re an FFP, you will always see in yourself what people used to bully you for . . . ”

You are What You Abbreviate. Or Are You?

Proud as I am for her success, and as much as I can relate to Shakespeare Wanna-Be Bullies, I rolled my eyes upon seeing, “FFP.” Here we go again, us silly humans feeling the need to define ourselves and the world around us in one hurried, blanket-statement acronym at a time.  It’s definitely  a SDBAO (Self Definition by Acronym Overuse) world.

FFP attempts to explain who we are now by first latching on to, and primarily focusing on, who we were then. Sure, our past experiences shape our current day selves, and many times those past events make us fiercely proud, but IMHO, they should not define – or be the onlything that defines – us.  Let’s make sure we remember ourselves as the whole that we are. We are fathers, veterans, concert-goers and pranksters. We are chefs,  survivors, rock climbers and students.  Every single aspect of our being should be embraced; the “more” that makes us fully us should never be forgotton.

There’s more to Kelly Osbourne than her weight loss. She’s a GGW (Golden Girl Watcher), for crying out loud! She’ll probably forever be an HCS (Hair Color Switcher) and according to the article, she has zero tolerance for people with HSM (High School Mentality). And yes, she used to be heavier.

Five years ago, I went through this FFP stage too. To some degree, it still continues to this day. After losing 70 pounds back then, colleagues introduced me not as “Jennifer,” but rather, “JenniferWhoLostLotsaWeight.” Didn’t matter that I saved a three-legged dog from a raging flood while on vacation or that when I went skydiving, I landed just minutes before a tornado touched down five miles away. What mattered was that I was JenniferWhoLostLotsaWeight.

“She used to be gargantuan,” they’d say in front of me.

Well, it was never phrased quite like that, although my former boss did once jokingly say to me, “I thought I hired a Cabbage Patch Kid and now look at you!” (I wasn’t offended; it actually made me laugh).

Your Story, To a T

The incessant nature of these FFP introductions and conversations were becoming MTFA (More Than F’ing Annoying). Sure I was (and still am) extremely proud of my achievement and the success others have had. Yet I’m more than justan FFP. There was, and still is, coffee lover Jen, wolf advocate Jen, Jen the writer, the house-spider rescuer, the maker of silly faces, the Eddie Money fan, the eel sushi eater, the gardener . . .

Not only does the FFP declaration gloss over other facets of our uniquely varied personalities, it also tends to oversimplify and ultimately, diminish what is truly a very significant experience. Whether someone lost 10 pounds or 200, whether the weight gain was due to pregnancy or Pop Tart over-consumption, the excitement of the journey becomes buried when it’s “told” through a “me in a nutshell” abbreviation.

Your stories – weight loss or otherwise – are filled with hundreds of emotions, dozens of inspiring realizations and difficult decisions, and way too many achievements to count . . . which is so much more than three little letters could ever convey.

So, here’s to you.

Everything about you. 

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