Fat, Thin, then Alcoholic: A look at one Woman's Weight Struggles

Opera singer Deborah Voigt may have charmed audiences with her beautiful voice, but those in charge of directing her performances felt that firing her was in everyone's best interest. Why would this successful American soprano with a voice described as having "penetrating power" and "gleaming richness" be dismissed?

Quite simply, she was fat.

Sigh.

At over 300 pounds, the size 26 professional was fired in 2003 by a director who felt that she didn't have the right body type for the costume he envisioned. The director imagined its star singing while wearing a tiny black dress, something he felt was necessary to convey a modern twist on "Ariadne auf Naxos." Her figure, it was determined, wasn't suitable for the costume. As such the songbird was let go in exhange for someone with a more acceptable body type.

Deborah Voigt before her gastric bypass surgery and after. Photo credit: Richard Terming for The New York Times, top; Suzanne DeChillo/The New York Times

Voigt has something to say about the firing that, while true, sadly still affects many women. In a world where large-bodied men such as Luciano Pavarotti have been embraced, rather than fired, for their loveable roundness, Voigt is at a loss. "Why is it okay for the male opera stars to be big and not the women?" she writes in her book, "Call Me Debbie: True Confessions of a Down-to-Earth Diva." In her book, which is due out on January 27 (Harper Collins), she also says that "The double standard is alive and well in the opera world when it comes to men’s and women’s bodies."(1)

While never fired for being fat, I understand her feelings.

Dealing with Double Standards, Psychological Weight Loss Challenges

Losing 70 pounds, as I did several years ago, offers a real-life glimpse about the ways the very overweight and very slender are judged and treated. Those before and after images? They aren't just about pictures that reveal dramatic changes in the body. Trust me, there are deeper changes - highly psychological ones - that take place as one is thrust into an "after," post-fat girl world. There aren't any (that I'm aware of, anyway) "Life after Weight Loss 101" classes that talk about the psychological changes that may come with weight loss. Nothing prepares a person for the thoughts in their head that linger long after the thrill good workouts, a nice compliment or even 15 minutes of fame. 

Mine are often steeped in thoughts that yes, a double standard exists every time we turn our heads. We see commercials with women donning angel wings, but there's a big "was it or wasn't it retouched" to-do when Justin Bieber puts on his Calvins, as he recently did.

Beiber aside, the bigger issue is that we're a society that seems to be obessed with thiness and beauty, even in ways that transcend weight. Seriously, would a woman with Andy Rooney's once wirey eyebrows last longer than a commercial break on a news show today? So it goes.

Yes, I know plenty of shows, stories and social media sites exist that are focused on men's "hotness" (the popular word I'm seeing in headlines these days is "thirsty," as in "These hollywood men with beards will make any woman thisty") but still, we're wearing blinders if we think that the double standards don't predominately hone in on females in our society.

Bieber poses in undies, there's backlash. Women wear angel wings, it's no big deal. Photo from: Inquistr.com

First, Gastric Bypass Surgery . . . Next, Alcohol-Fueled Experiences

For Voigt, her world changed dramatically after getting fired. It wasn't that she moped, a fat-sized woman stereotypically crying in a pint of ice-cream either. Rather, she took the money from the failed "little black dress" role and had gastric bypass surgery. She lost 100 pounds, dropped to a size 14 and unfortunately, turned to alcohol to replace her desire for food. In her book, she expresses joy at the ability to be able to cross her once-heavier legs, yet speaks of alcohol-fueled affairs with men in between her performances.(1,2)  

Ultimately, she ended up in rehab where she came to terms with her past and changed her ways for the better.

Indeed, weight loss is a joyous experience, but it's often not without deeply-rooted, confusing thoughts that have the potential to lead to depression and detrimental behaviors. While I didn't indulge in the bottle, my taste for thinness became extreme. My blog, "My not-so Glamorous Story of Dieting After the Diet was Over & How I Got Back on Track," talks about this, of teetering dangerously close to a diagnosable eating disorder, one that left me hungry, moody and eventually filled with a nutritionally-deprived foggy-brain (so much so that at times I was spewing forth babbling nonsense at random times and convinced by my own self-created nonsensical thoughts).

Yes, weight loss can change you, but as Voigt learned, it's not always for the better. Becoming thinner (whether by dietary changes or weight loss surgery, or both) may come with serious challenges.

Don't Lose Yourself During Weight Loss Journey

No matter where you are on your weight loss journey, always remember that you're doing this for your health and that you're still the same you, only physically different. I highly doubt that your political stance, sense of humor or work ethic has changed, right? Sure, you may have more energy and a renewed confidence, but at the core of it all, you're still you. I lost a lot of weight and still have a penchant for 80s music, kayaking, corny puns, animal kindness and photography -- just as I did when I was shopping in the plus-size departments.  

In the end, it's never about trying to beat double standards or fitting in a certain-sized black dress, but rather, to improve physical health. It's up to us to take control about our mental health, not allowing ourselves to get caught up in expectations (self-imposed or otherwise) and to be remain the beautiful person we have been all along.

Sources for this article include: (1) http://nypost.com/ (2) http://www.nytimes.com/